Photos: Meredith Rizzo/DC Spotlight Newspaper
May 3, 2011
Alex Barron
Restaurant Critic
Bon Appetit
Aside from the families with young children and the reel-to-reel projector showing a nonstop string of Popeye and Lil’ Rascals shorts, the main dining room at Ted’s Bulletin looks like one of the backroom speakeasies where Al Capone and company conduct their business in Boardwalk Empire. So pitch perfect are the blackboards advertising drinks behind the bar, the square gas lanterns above the tables and the yellow leather of the booths, that it’s almost a surprise to see patrons wearing t-shirts and jeans, with not a bowler hat in sight. This modern prohibition era diner is authentic and makes its home on the consistently improving stretch of Barracks Row, just south of Eastern Market. The intricacies of the restaurant are explained in a newsletter (the Bulletin from which the establishment takes its name) that doubles as a menu. If the Art Deco paneling looks like the real deal and not a convincing duplicate, there is a good reason. The lights, windows and metal ornaments that now adorn the walls and ceiling — constructed in 1928 — were salvaged from the Philadelphia Civic Center, having apparently been purchased at an auction several years ago. The Bulletin’s “Spring 1928” byline is a nice touch, but not essential in giving guests a good sense of time and place.
Everything one would expect to find on a diner’s menu is present, but with classically trained Eric Brannon, a veteran of the Matchbox franchise restaurants at the helm, the old favorites have all been given serious makeovers. According to Brannon, the kitchen strives to prepare dishes that will evoke “sensory memory” — food that will remind patrons of Mom’s grilled cheese or spaghetti and meatballs. Is it a little restrictive for a chef trained in preparing French cuisine to be asked to make meatloaf and lasagna? At times, admits Brannon, and yet there is a certain satisfaction he takes in “perfecting the simple things.”
“There is a simple pleasure in making the perfect meatloaf, that not everyone gets to experience,” he explains, “Is that any more difficult than making a great foie gras?” Certainly meatloaf is not a dish that sets itself up for success, but Brannon takes great pride in mastering the dishes that are so often considered uninspiring.
Everyone who eats at Ted’s Bulletin is likely to have their own dish that takes them back to childhood. For Brannon, it is the Mac and Cheese ($3.99) — made with four cheeses, among which is the unlikely pairing of Asiago and Velveeta. “Close to what I remember off the stove top,” he says. Heartwarmingly chewy, this new version somehow has the same sensibility as the after school snack that your mother made by adding water to the contents of a little blue packet. Mac and Cheese is available only as a side dish, but served in its own little skillet, it is as filling as plenty of restaurants’ entrees.
Many of the items on Ted’s menu are, in fact, extremely filling, but it can’t be easy to count calories while maintaining the period authenticity of an era not usually noted for its health consciousness. Brannon and company make no secret of the fact that food at Ted’s is not exactly a dieter’s paradise. Formidable sounding dishes like the “Gut Bomb” ($12.29) — a burger with chili and fried jalapenos — stare up ominously, or perhaps invitingly, from the menu. “We’re not trying to say it’s anything that it’s not,” the chef acknowledges. Even so, a new menu due to debut in just a few weeks will offer a few lighter options, while keeping the most popular dishes.
For now, healthy options are few and far between, but among them, the “Green Green Salad of Home,” ($6.99) served with Green Goddess dressing (the personal recipe of Brannon’s father) has a light, spring touch – even if it seems to belong on a different menu at a different restaurant. By all means, diners should give it a shot, but not at the expense of some of the menu’s heartier options. A satisfying meal can certainly be constructed on only selections from the Side Dish section. In addition to the Mac and Cheese, Creamed Corn ($3.99) is warm and satisfying. I’d venture to guess that any kid who complains about Brussels sprouts hasn’t had this version served with bacon and blue cheese ($3.99). Brannon is also willing to pit his fries against those of any place in town and for good reason. Unlike the frites at some of the more high profile places in and around the District, these are made right in the kitchen, instead of being shipped in frozen.
Not everyone in this day and age has the audacity to order a country fried steak — nor do all northeasterners even know of the dish — but if you are going to have one, it might as well be a good one. Ted’s country fried steak certainly is that. Sirloin steak is fried to a deep golden brown and smothered with white buttermilk gravy ($15.99). The result is just the sort of indulgent comfort food you’ll probably want to have more than you ought to.
Any discussion of Ted’s Bulletin should have at least a mention of its two most popular sweets: Pop Tarts and Shakes ($5.99 for standard, $7.99 for Ted’s patented Adult Milkshakes). Filled with fresh strawberry or cherry preserves (as opposed to whatever processed berry-like material inhabits real Pop Tarts), the tarts here currently occupy the number one spot on the “Most Frequently Ordered” list at Ted’s. Shakes are mixed by veteran “Shaketenders” (You were expecting Mixologists?) and are poured generously — the better with which to wash down whichever burger or steak has just taken you on a nostalgic trip through your childhood.
Contact Information
Ted’s Bulletin
505 8th Street Southeast
Washington, D.C. 20003-2835
(202) 544-8337
